Game Time

   Who doesn't love a good ol' game of Where the Eff is That Noise Coming From at 2am?  Me, that's who.  Especially since I haven't been able to get more than a few hours of sleep a night in months.  However, there I was, laying wide awake in bed questioning my sanity as I was sure I was hearing a high pitched chirping noise piercing the quiet in about 1 minute intervals.

   I was laying there thinking, "I am hearing that right? It's not the wind blowing something outside or something dumb like that right?"  

I look beside me and Papa Bear hasn't flinched.  Not surprising since he has made it clear over and over again that he is half deaf and doesn't listen.  This fact is made evident by times when Little Bear asks a question like, "did you get dog food?" 

and Papa Bear responds with something like, "Adopted?!"

Anyway, after deciding I was indeed hearing it and that it sounded like the familiar sound of a smoke detector with a dying battery I poked the bear and told him to find the source since he was supposed to have just checked and changed batteries in all the detectors at Daylight Savings time.

   So Papa Bear proceeds to stumble around the house like a drunken teenager on prom night and standing under each smoke detector (since the we built the addition to our house we have quite a few, like 5 or 6 I think) and listening for the chirp.  He came back to bed and declares the sound is coming from our room and I'm going to have to find it.  How the hell could it be coming from our room?  We don't have a smoke detector in our room or anything else that should be making a similar sound.  Up I get and morph into Sherlock Holmes mode and do the Walk 3 Steps, Listen shuffle.

     After a few minutes I had the sound isolated to our en-suite bathroom.  "It's coming from in here!  I whisper yell to Papa who drunk stumbles into the bathroom with me and we stand and listen....  I can hear it.  I just can't find the source.  Like  a crazy person I start digging through the vanity and dropping my 4 weeks from delivery pregnant body to the floor to peer underneath it to see if I can find what is keeping me awake at this hour.  Still can't find it.

     Finally I start on the vanity drawers.  Now, in my drawer on my side of the vanity you will find things like my hair brush, hair ties, facial wipes, my makeup bag a few pieces of assorted jewellery -you know the sort of thing that SHOULD be in the bathroom.  On Papa Bear's side, if you open his drawer you will find his electric razor, earphones, pens, pencils, a pack of gum, an old cell phone, sink and tap manuals, an old grocery list, a handful of change, a few random pieces of hardware and shoved to the very back....1 old smoke detector with a blinking light and chirping in 1 minute intervals....that was all but whipped at him by a very sleep deprived, very fat and bloated, very bitchy pregnant lady at 2:35 in the mutha loving morning.

     "Now tell these folks what they've won for playing our game tonight Jim!"

"Well Bob, they've just won.....a very rough Friiiiiiiiiiiday with no possibility of a nap!"
.....Awesome.....

Bedtime Blues

Every night after I tuck my oldest son in and he lays down and falls asleep in a matter of minutes I remember that my 2.5 year old, Fuzzy is not going to be so easy on me. See Fuzzy is anti-bedtime.

It doesn't matter what time you put Fuzzy to bed he is not going to go to sleep for at least 2 hours or better.

Bedtime with Fuzzy starts out promising. He lays down and pulls the covers up to his chin and gives goodnight kisses. Then it goes downhill from there.

First thing he will ask for a drink. After I provide the requested sippy cup of water - WITH ICE he will ask me for a specific stuffed animal - usually the same brown dog but sometimes he likes to mix things up. Then he will ask for a tractor, car, toy phone, bus, book, pillow, action figure, etc. until his entire little blue race car toddler bed is full. At one point this is where the game would end.

The next part is the part the drives me completely up the wall. This game makes me want to poke my own eyes out.
"Mommy?"
"Yes Fuzzy?"
(Fuzzy stares blankly at Mommy for several seconds)
"Mom?"
"What Fuzzy?"
(Fuzzy stares blankly at Mommy for several seconds)
"Mom?"
"What do you need Fuzzy?"
(Fuzzy stares blankly at Mommy for several seconds)
"Mom?"
This is the point where I sigh and close the door.
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, MOMMY! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
I open the door
"Mom?"
"Yes Fuzzy?"
(Fuzzy stares blankly at Mommy for several seconds)
"Mom?"
"If you don't tell me what you want I'm leaving"
"I wanna drink"
UGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

I've tried not participating in his games. He just screams. I've tried just about everything. He just screams.

How is it possible that I have 2 kids that go to bed really well and one that insists on making bedtime complete and utter hell? Any other time he is a copycat and follows his older brother's lead but not when it comes to bedtime. He will even ask "Little Bear seeping? Wee One seeping? Papa Bear seeping?"
and I answer "Yes and Mama wants to go to sleep too but Fuzzy needs to go to sleep first".

If I leave the door open he won't stay in the room let alone the bed. If I close the door he hops out of the bed as soon as it latches. If I leave the light on he plays. If I turn the light out he yells for it to be turned on or gets out of bed and turns it on himself. If I try to ignore him for a bit he lays on the floor in front of his door and yells under the door so that it is twice as loud which then wakes up Wee One.

On very rare occasion Fuzzy has laid down with his sippy cup and his brown dog, stayed in the bed, even asked for the light to be turned off and drifted off in less than a half hour. I don't know how to do this every night. So for now I'm singing the bedtime blues.

Sleeping With A Bear

I sleep with a bear. Every night I snuggle down into the covers with a big, fur covered, toasty warm growling bear.

Ok not really a bear but if I were to reach over give it a poke with my eyes closed I would swear it was a bear and the growling, well that would be him snoring directly into my left ear.

Sleeping with a bear is much different than sleeping by yourself. You have to abide by the center line rule. You know the rule that says no body part or pillow my cross invisible center line of the bed or it is open to be poked, pushed, squished or thrown back onto your side of the line.

There is also the fight for the covers. The species of bear that I sleep with has exceptional thick fur and therefore does not often require covers but that doesn't stop him from sleeping ON TOP of them so that I may not have the amount I require. Sometimes, when the bear gets cold enough to need covers in the middle of the night he doesn't necessarily pay any attention to which end of the covers he grabs to hurl over himself. This results in the blankets that were over my legs and feet to now be somewhere up under my armpits.

My bear is a very talented bear indeed. He has the ability to snore not only while sleeping on his stomach but with his mouth closed and drooling at the same time. Why don't I just wake him up and tell him to roll over and stop snoring in my ear? Well my bear is almost deaf in one ear. He always sleeps with his hearing ear mushed into the pillow and won't hear me anyway.

Sleeping with a bear does have its benefits as well (besides the obvious ;)). If I wake up in the middle of the night freezing I just need to slip over the center line and snuggle up my big warm bear to get toasty in again. That's something I wouldn't live without. Thanks Hun :)