Thursday, May 27, 2010


Even though we seemed to have skipped spring here in Southwestern Ontario, Canada and went straight from winter to summer, it is shorts weather again. Yay...... Not only do my pasty, white chicken legs not look appealing in any sort of leg baring apparel but there is that little task that us women do that has to be better kept up on. That's right I'm talking about shaving our legs.

Don't get me wrong I don't walk around like a hairy Sasquatch all winter or anything but I also don't shave my legs EVERY day either. Though I do know a few that do (Kat). I only bare my ankles and calf from under a pair of capris but I do like to have nice soft freshly shaved legs when all of Stinkburg can see them (even if they are blinded by the glare of their whiteness).

Shaving your legs doesn't sound like such a hard job, I know but when you have to squeeze a shower into 10-15 minutes with one kid playing in the bottom of the tub, one yelling at the door that he has to poop and Papa Bear coming in and out of the bathroom asking random questions and conferencing about what is going on during the week since this seems to be one of the few times both of us are home together for a few minutes, it can seem like a pretty big task.

Sometimes I think, why not just let it all grow out? I could grow a legfro and just pick it out all big and fluffy. Or braid it with beads on the ends that would sway when I walk. I haven't french braided any ones hair and could use the practice. Corn rows might be a nice touch. All of the above would cut down on the glare that is produced by my lack of tan.

Who decided women should shave their legs anyway? A man no doubt... If it had been a women she would have added a rule that required all men to trim their ear and nose hair daily or get pedicures and use hand moisturizer or something along those lines.

Of course their are some women that are willing to walk around au natural and let their leg fringe fly like giant tarantulas. Not really something anyone wants to see and hey if I can manage to find the time to make my legs look presentable so should you Legzilla.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Psychotic Psychic

I don't know whether or not I believe in psychics or not. I don't count them out all together but I'm waiting for one to blow me away with their astonishing accuracy that will remove so much doubt.

A good friend, Ash Smoke and I went to a psychic who was part of a charity event. I was blown away but not by his astonishing accuracy but instead by his bizarre comments and ridiculously corny sense of humour (yeah I know could be considered the pot calling the kettle black). The man was nuts. Nuts I tell you.

He was a bit of a cliche dressed all in black, clutching a chunk of crystal. I told Ash if he pulled out a crystal ball I was out of there. He gibber-gabbered about karma and past lives and how we choose everything that happens in our lives before we are even conceived - I doubt very much that unless I was a mental patient in a previous life that I chose a lot of things.

He talked about how when someone does something bad to you in this lifetime it is because you have done something bad to them and the only way to stop the cycle is to forgive the other person. There are a few people that have "done me wrong" that I will give a few more lifetimes and a few more bouts of revenge before I forgive them and stop the cycle.

At the end of this crazy man's spiel he left opportunity for each person to ask him 4 questions in a person one on one. Of course you could ask additional questions for the low, low price of $4 each. I had some trouble coming up with my 4 questions. Not because I was worried what this man would think of me if I asked certain questions - let's face it I was for once the sanest of the of us - but because I just could think of 4 things I wanted to know about my future.

I decided to ask if I would have another child. This is something I go back and forth on all the time. It pretty much only depends on the behaviour of my current 3 children at the time. The psychotic psychic said no, I would not have anymore children. Hmmmm ok.

I asked if I would continue on the same career path and he said yes. As soon as I get rid of a job that will be fine with me.

I asked if my children would be successful in life. He said yes they would all be productive members of society. Whewwww a weight lifted. I guess now I never have to worry about any of my boys ending up in prison or Parliament.

My last question was whether or not my mother and I would ever be able to repair our relationship. He said no but we would be civil. This is where we are now so I guess this is where we stay. I can live with that even if it is not ideal.

All in all this weirdo did nothing to increase my belief in psychics but it was interesting to hear his take on some things, a fun day with Ash and a few bucks towards Cancer research and treatment.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Bad, Bad Blogger

I've been a bad, bad blogger. String me up by my toes, tar and feather me, whatever (a little punishment could be fun ;)). In all fairness though I did warn my 2 readers I had in the beginning that I probably wouldn't be any good at this. I used to blog at night after all my baby bears where snug in their beds before I went to bed. These days that time is filled by my second job selling purses, jewelry and other fun girlie stuff.

I love blogging but it just doesn't seem to fit into my day like it did. I've had lots of things that have made me think "I'm going to blog about that" but never seemed to get a chance to sit down in front of the computer to make it happen. I've run into people who have said "you need to blog" or "I miss reading your blogs" and for those people I would love to have something for them. Maybe I could just call them up and tell them verbally while I pack lunches or input numbers into the computer for work? I'm a multi-tasker it could happen.

I do have a few things I really do need to share with my dwindling number of readers. A trip to a psychic among them. Rekindling old friendships. A good friend gone crazy. A dumb but beautiful dog. I'm definitely not lacking for topics just time.

Please come back and check for postings (I just had a mental picture of me hanging onto someones leg begging them not to leave their computer). I promise I'll try to post more often if time allows.

Monday, May 10, 2010

To Be Completed

Tomorrow I turn 29. 29 is one year off from the big dirty 30. This stresses me out a bit but really what can I do?

There is something I didn't know. I didn't know that there were published lists of things that one must do or complete before they reach the age of 30. I'm glad this was brought to my attention now while its not too late. An old friend of mine found a book with a good list of these such things that need completion. I told her I was going to borrow this list (not that it really belongs to her but from a book) so here it is:

The must complete list (from Swim Naked, Defy Gravity & 99 Other Essential Things to Accomplish Before Turning 30 by Colleen Rush)

1. Swim Naked (done and done)
2. Break all of your parents' arbitrary rules (I think I did a good job of this while I was still living in their house and supposed to be following those rules
3. Grow something (Kids count?)
4. Dump toxic friends (a few friends, a husband and a few toxic family members)
5. Speak a foreign language (grade 10 Spanish? Baby gabber?)
6. Buy a kick-ass mattress (I'm currently sleeping on a cloud in form of a mattress so I'm good)
7. Draw & frame a self-portrait (was forced to draw one in an art class but I'm not sure it is frame worthy)
8. Stop chronic over-apologizing (I don't think anyone has ever accused me of being an over-apologizer)
9. Create your own sisterhood (The Crazy Mama Society was just that)
10. Travel solo (looking forward to completing this since I doubt a trip to Walmart counts or at least I'm not letting it count)
11. Develop a plan B. (developed and executed
12. Know your friends' family tree (I think I know what I need to know. We live in a small town - everyone is related to everyone)
13. Embrace your inner eight-year-old (easy enough to do when you live with a 7 seven year old)
14. Read: Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom by Christine Northrup M.D (I haven't really read much since the Twilight series so why not?)
15. Build a raging campfire (so done)
16. Make the first move (fat lot of good that did I ended up with X)
17. Know the other mouth-to-mouth (which is considered "the other" :))
18. Be your own muse (I think that I have been and am)
19. Master a signature family recipe (not a lot of choices here - Nana's ginger snaps,Grandma's cabbage salad, Mom's chili sauce?)
20. Quit something (quit smoking, quit X, quit biting my nails)
21. Find the perfect red lipstick (will work on this for sure)
22. Negotiate for something expensive (the only thing I have ever really negotiated for is a $5 item I purchased at a yard sale)
23. Google yourself (have in both senses...)
24. Hold your booze (I hold it in the bottle on the shelf. I know I can't hold it so I don't even bother)
25. Track down your best friend from kindergarten (she lives a few hours away with her husband and she plays in the dirt for a living :))
26. Masturbate (...)
27. Write a complaint letter (please see A Day at Dog Doo Park)
28. Claim your granny panties (I'm such a fan of granny-stay-where-I-damn-well-put-them panties)
29. Make brownies from scratch (scratch as in scooped from the bucket and heated in the oven right?)
30. Exorcise the words "like" and "you know" from your vocabulary (like, how am I supposed to do that? you know?)
31. Find your religion (probably not the religion that my grandmother had hoped but found never the less)
32. Write thank-you notes for everything (I am actually a pretty big fan of Thank you notes so I think I can write more)
33. Perfect your A.M. Stretch (done)
34. Declare your birthday a national holiday (always have. I have never worked on my birthday in all the years I have been employed)
35. Stock an emergency disaster kit (guess I found another one I need to get on top of)
36. Accept compliments (I started to do this after X)
37. Minimize pointless drama (I try I really do. I enjoy watching drama as long as I'm not a participant)
38. Unplug your TV for a while (for a long while my TV was rarely ever turned on)
39. Dye your hair an Outrageous color (hmmmmm Papa Bear would probably shoot me - he is pretty conservative)
40. Invest in seriously frivolous undies (done and worn once)
41. Own your mistakes (I do. I don't like to but I do.)
42. Take your hobby more seriously than your job (you have no idea)
43. Talk to strangers (I so do. Sometimes too much)
44. Get health insurance (just another reason its great to be Canadian)
45. Hook something high tech up by yourself (it was hooked up but it wasn't really pretty)
46. Live through a blind date (done)
47. Be a gracious guest (I try)
48. Escape creeps and kick criminal ass (the chance hasn't really arose so hopefully it does so I can complete this in the next year)
49. Invest in earplugs (I worked midnights for a while so I did)
50. Lose your virginity again (hahahaha)
51. Know your blood type (O positive... or maybe O negative...O something)
52. Confront someone who's done you wrong (done and it made my life better)
53. Walk in heels ( In My Red High Heels )
54. Write a body manifesto (I'm not likely to stick to it anyway)
55. Watch the sun rise and set on the same day by yourself (done)
56. Disagree out loud (I do this ALL the time)
57. Memorize your ring size (5)
58. Have a mantra (I have a few)
59. Research your family's medical history (lots of not so great stuff)
60. Do it somewhere risky (done)
61. Open a bottle of champagne (open it for someone else? I don't like the taste of it)
62. Make more money than you spend (pretty sure this isn't even possible)
63. Be a nudist for a day (done)
64. Adopt an awkward teenager (done)
65. Eat soy (done)
66. Dress for longevity (I don't typically buy anything that I can't get away with wearing for several years with very few exceptions that I almost alway regret later)
67. Kick one habit (smoking, X, nail biting)
68. Defy gravity done)
69. Own a cashmere sweater (scarf but no sweater...good reason to shop)
70. Use a great dermo (done)
71. Get over yourself (so done)
72. Sleep in a hammock (done)
73. Own a toolbox with all of the basics (I do and its pink)
74. Jettison your 'skinny' jeans (done)
75. Collect correspondence with friends (I have a file on my PC called "Letters from Australia" from the year my good friend spent there and sent emails on a regular basis)
76. Get a massage (done and so needs to be done again)
77. Memorize your favorite smells. Surround yourself with them (when I can smell more than coffee, peanut butter and dirty diapers)
78. Fall in love (or lust) without blowing off your friends (done just needed to use a do over)
79. Dub the "greatest hits" from your childhood (so done)
80. Care about where your food comes from (I care but I eat it anyway)
81. Fly first class (will have to fly to start with)
82. Cultivate your own style (done)
83. Carry something to read, a notebook, and a pen at all times (day planner?)
84. Forgive your parents (this is a tough one if nothing changes)
85. Be a dork (do I really need to work at this one?)
86. Stop slamming other women (we girls are terrible for this. Even those that say they don't do it sooooo do)
87. Get waxed down there (prefer to do my own landscaping but we shall see)
88. Adopt another motherland (?)
89. Tell someone your deepest darkest secret (I don't really have any I'm a pretty open book)
90. Make a killer cocktail (for someone else?)
91. Read your old diaries (done)
92. Tie a few knots (done)
93. Have your fortune told (going to do this for sure)
94. Cry often (spent too much time doing this)
95. Give yourself flowers (done)
96. Stop looking for a soul mate (done)
97. Give props to a teacher (done. Thanks Mr. M!)
98. Learn how not to be a flake (I think done?)
99. Give yourself a make-under (make under? there is an under to this?)
100. Be notorious for something (done)
101. Bounce back (SOOOOOO done)

It seems I have a pretty good handle of most of the list. I think I should be OK with a year to complete the rest. I'm not in as bad of shape as I had thought