Friday, March 4, 2011

I Don't Do Mornings

I don't do mornings. Well I do mornings. What I have to do anyway but I don't do mornings.....gracefully. I get up and get my boys dressed, fed and wait for the bus with them (which I do in my jammies, uggs and a hooded sweatshirt). Then I drag my butt back into the house to get Wee One ready for the day. I am in a fog until probably 10ish and do very little besides check emails and facebook and maybe tidy up the kitchen a bit. All the while looking like I just rolled out of bed after a late night bender. mornings that I take Fuzzy and Wee One to playgroup the morning routine is accelerated a bit with the goal of getting to group (that starts at 9:30) by 10....ish. It wasn't much better when I worked mornings at the Donut Shack but I got up really early for work so that the whole morning process was on a little earlier timetable.

I never invite any sort of company during the morning adjustment period. NEVER. I don't think I am a very vain woman but I do like to look my best when having contact with anyone from the outside world. It is in their own best interest for their eyesight if they don't stop by before 10ish for a surprise visit. Anytime before that and they are setting themselves up for a fright. I don't even go to Walmart without getting dressed, doing something with my hair and putting on the little bit of make up I wear on a
daily basis (trust me it makes a huge difference). There is nothing worse than running into that mean girl from highschool looking less than fantastic.

Lots of people will say why bother I'm not supposed to be trying to impress anyone anyway. Seriously? I mean no, I'm not looking for a date but I am most definitely out to impress. Your local grocery store is filled with potential employers, customers, fellow parents from your childrens' school, former flames, former school mates that you haven't seen since you were an awkward teenager. Also, while I'm not on the hunt for a man because I have a great one at home, it is nice to be noticed and for some guy to think "wow, that Papa Bear is a lucky man". I'm not dead after all. It makes me feel better to look nice. With that god awful birthday coming it seems all that more important to put the effort forward.

Sorry, I got a little off track. I was talking about mornings and my lack of participation in them. This morning I had one of those pre-10ish surprise visits which prompted this rant...I mean blog entry. A guy that used to be my neighbour when X and I lived in town bought from my boys' school fundraiser. I offered to drop off his order but being an avid fisherman he has been busy catching and cleaning with his buddies and so wouldn't be around. He wanted to come pick it up this morning. Last night I told him I would message him when it was a good time to come out, likely around 10ish (when morningness had worn off). That would give me time to brush my hair and teeth, get dressed and look presentable to anyone outside my family. He showed up on his own an hour early.....

If I had seen him pull in I probably wouldn't have even answered the door. My hair was not brushed (I had a nice little rooster tail thing going on in the back even) or my teeth, I was dressed - in my jammies which consist of silly penguin polar fleece pj pants and a very thin but very comfortable t-shirt that leaves nothing to the imagination....including the fact I was not wearing a bra. Nipply just freaking nipply - I mean nice. Poor guy probably had to go home to scrub his eyeballs with steel wool to remove the image he was just presented with. Instead of thinking "wow, that Papa Bear is a lucky man" I'm sure he was thinking something more along the lines of "Good lord man, better you than me!". I bet he will call before he shows up like that on someones doorstep like that again. If nothing else he learned a hard lesson - I DON'T DO MORNINGS.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Winter Weight

It is my belief that we all need a little extra padding in the winter. Okay, maybe not my belief but my reality since I seem to acquire a little extra padding (specifically in the tummy and rear end regions) during the colder months. This year seems to be worse. I don't know if it is because that really ugly birthday (that I'm not having) is creeping up on me or because my job has slowed down considerably since Christmas. I'm going to pray its the latter giving hope to the chance it will disappear with little more than a pick up in schedule. I'm am very sure it has nothing to do with my addiction to Iced Capp made with (extra) cream, my love for chips or my hatred for exercise or the dreaded D word -diet.

This winter 10 pounds seems to have settled on my body. 10 pounds that makes the difference between getting the pants done up and....not. 10 pounds means the difference between curvy and lumpy. 10 pounds is enough for me to look in the mirror and say "okay Stacey, it is time to do something about this before 10 turns to 20 and 20 turns to 40 and I end up on the next season of The Biggest Loser and someone else sits on their couch eating ice cream and chip while watching me sweat off hundreds of pounds on national TV".

Since the only time I have to do any sort of actual work out is when my boys are in bed I do not plan on going for a run in the country and meeting all our furry woodland creatures that lurk out here. With work being slow I can't afford a gym membership and really don't have the desire for others to see me attempt something I have never done before. I don't own a treadmill or any exercise equipment but I do own a Wii and Wii Fit. I felt this was a good place to start so the other night after I finished my jar of gourmet jelly beans and soda I decided to pull the ol Wii Fit out from under the layer of dust. I don't pretend the Wii is as good as those other methods but that's what I've got.

The first thing the game asks you to do is a body test where it weighs you and checks your balance and asks how much your clothes weigh (mine are always extremely heavy even if I am only wearing shorts and a tshirt) to determine your "Wii Fit age". After it completed it's series of "tests" the first thing the piece of s@#* told me was that I was overweight. That alone was enough for me to want to through the controller through the front of Papa Bear's new TV and find another jar of jelly beans. I don't think I am suffering from any serious bouts of denial but when I see my reflection, even with the extra 10 pounds, I do not see an "overweight" person. Screw you Wii Fit! The next thing it told me was that my "Wii Fit age" is 43..... Awesome.....

Next I flipped through the game selections. The Wii already told me I had decent balance so no need to waste my time on balance building activities. Strength exercises seemed pointless too. Who needs to be strong as long as they can be skinny? As for Yoga-let's leave that till I run out of steam. I decided to go with the aerobic activities.

I round of virtual hula hooping was enough for me. Hip circles and thrusts are better used for other purposes ;). The basic step aerobic activity I found to be quite enjoyable though. Maybe exercising can be a bit fun. After a couple of times through the basic step game I collected enough time to open the advanced version which is way more fun, way more high speed and way more sweat inducing. I pushed myself through 45 minutes of step aerobics. I should have stopped after about 10-15 minutes but no pain, no gain right? Boy did I gain some pain the next much that I had to take the night off but limited myself to half a jar of jelly beans.

On day 3 of my "exercise plan" I went back at it after catching crap from the Wii for skipping a day. I even had to explain my absence - to a cartoon version of the step.. I pushed myself through another 45 minute "work out" before showering up and heading to bed.

The next day I came down with a nasty, nasty stomach bug that kept my head in the toilet for almost 6 hours straight. That combined with the pain I gained from feeling the burn was a rough, rough combination. My legs, butt and arms hurt from the work outs and my guts and back hurt from the toilet marathon. My head pounded and my eyes hurt. I was a mess which I blame half on the exercise. It took a couple of days to bounce back from that mess and now that I'm feeling great I afraid to get back on the Wii Fit to have the rathe of the Wii Fit board come down on me for taking too many days off. I am on the other hand curious to see how many pounds I puked up. I would just jump on a bathroom scale like many people keep in their bathrooms but mine is in the drive shed being used to weigh out corn.

Tonight was drinks with Chesty McBreasty. Tomorrow can be the return of the very loose exercise program. I did download (shhh) some Zumba videos so maybe I'll give that a whirl. I hear people saying it is fun and not just those people that get their kicks running marathons and "tone" in their spare time. Might be something to try after I make sure the blinds are shut tight so I don't scare my in laws across the road. Or maybe I'll cut down on my Iced Capps with (extra) cream - nah, who am I kidding? That is my fuel.