Wednesday, May 11, 2011


Today is supposed to be my birthday. However, due to the ugly truth this day brings I have decided that my birthday is cancelled this year. This year I was to turn 30. 30 is old so in order to preserve my youth I am just not going to have any more birthdays. Really I think turning a year older 29 times is more than enough. There are plenty of things that if done 29 times would be considered excessive - like getting married 29 times. Having 29 babies. Having 29 one night stands. I think I have had enough birthdays.

When I was little I thought that teenagers were cool. People in their 20s were sophisticated. People in their 30s were old and anyone older than that was a granny. I don't want to be old. I don't want to look in the mirror and see a wrinkly old 30 year old staring back. When someone tells me to "act my age" I don't want that to mean I have to learn to golf or apply denture cream. I want to stay young and hip - OK so I never really was hip but now my chance to be has passed. I want to wear my hair in pigtails and look cute.

I don't think I have ever been so depressed about a birthday in my life. The things that people say to try to make you feel better about turning 30 don't help either. "30 is the new 20!" - No, no its not. 20 is 20 and 30 is old. "You're only as old as you feel" - being 30 makes me feel like 80 is just around the corner. Seriously just shut up. 30 sucks. The End.