Park It

Parking. I am not a perfect parker by any means but what the heck are other people doing?

First off, those yellow lines painted all over the asphalt are not there just as decoration. You are actually supposed to park your vehicle in between them. Not on them or across them but in between them. All vehicles fit between them so don't even use the excuse of driving a larger vehicle that doesn't fit because it does indeed fit you are just a twit.

I just love those people who park diagonally across two spots (also known as the Dual Space Dingaling) so no one can park near them and accidentally put a door ding in precious door panel or scratch your paint - you're driving a 1982 AMC Concord with the bumper half hanging off and baby crap brown interior. A door ding is the least of your worries. (Just a note, I never parked that way when I drove that exact vehicle).These people are especially annoying during the Christmas rush when it is already difficult to find a spot without this dingalings using up two spots. (I used to be married to one of these such dingalings).

Another person I "adore" is the person that parks far too close on one side (also known as the Line Rider). It's cool I will just unload myself and my three kids through the six inch crevice you have left me between our vehicles. I rather enjoyed buffing the side of your car with my right butt cheek. I hope in return you enjoyed the small sized hand/tongue prints also on the side of your car you moron.

The ones that park too far forward in a space (the Depth Perceptionally Impaired) are fun too. I have two options with this one. I can either skip parking across from you and opt for the space ten miles further from the store entrance (oh how I love trying to keep all of my children wrangled while we walk for ten extra minutes from the far beyond) or I can park across from you and leave the butt end of my magic pumpkin (orange Grand Caravan) sticking out in the aisle and risk parking a van and coming back to a compact. Thank you for leaving me choices.

It's not just parking lot parkers that are idiots. Parkade parkers have left me hanging (literally) on the side of the parkade cement wall (thanks for the little bump from behind, that was nice of you) and street side parallel parkers have left me holding up traffic while they inch in, and then back out, and in again, and out, and in again to a space that they clearly don't fit in or they just haven't a clue how to parallel park to begin with and should therefor carry on to a parking lot.

If you can't park in one single paring space, between the lines, leaving space for your neighbour to enter and exit their vehicle, perhaps you should just walk and save others the headache of having to deal with the results of your inadequate parking skills.