Game Time

   Who doesn't love a good ol' game of Where the Eff is That Noise Coming From at 2am?  Me, that's who.  Especially since I haven't been able to get more than a few hours of sleep a night in months.  However, there I was, laying wide awake in bed questioning my sanity as I was sure I was hearing a high pitched chirping noise piercing the quiet in about 1 minute intervals.

   I was laying there thinking, "I am hearing that right? It's not the wind blowing something outside or something dumb like that right?"  

I look beside me and Papa Bear hasn't flinched.  Not surprising since he has made it clear over and over again that he is half deaf and doesn't listen.  This fact is made evident by times when Little Bear asks a question like, "did you get dog food?" 

and Papa Bear responds with something like, "Adopted?!"

Anyway, after deciding I was indeed hearing it and that it sounded like the familiar sound of a smoke detector with a dying battery I poked the bear and told him to find the source since he was supposed to have just checked and changed batteries in all the detectors at Daylight Savings time.

   So Papa Bear proceeds to stumble around the house like a drunken teenager on prom night and standing under each smoke detector (since the we built the addition to our house we have quite a few, like 5 or 6 I think) and listening for the chirp.  He came back to bed and declares the sound is coming from our room and I'm going to have to find it.  How the hell could it be coming from our room?  We don't have a smoke detector in our room or anything else that should be making a similar sound.  Up I get and morph into Sherlock Holmes mode and do the Walk 3 Steps, Listen shuffle.

     After a few minutes I had the sound isolated to our en-suite bathroom.  "It's coming from in here!  I whisper yell to Papa who drunk stumbles into the bathroom with me and we stand and listen....  I can hear it.  I just can't find the source.  Like  a crazy person I start digging through the vanity and dropping my 4 weeks from delivery pregnant body to the floor to peer underneath it to see if I can find what is keeping me awake at this hour.  Still can't find it.

     Finally I start on the vanity drawers.  Now, in my drawer on my side of the vanity you will find things like my hair brush, hair ties, facial wipes, my makeup bag a few pieces of assorted jewellery -you know the sort of thing that SHOULD be in the bathroom.  On Papa Bear's side, if you open his drawer you will find his electric razor, earphones, pens, pencils, a pack of gum, an old cell phone, sink and tap manuals, an old grocery list, a handful of change, a few random pieces of hardware and shoved to the very back....1 old smoke detector with a blinking light and chirping in 1 minute intervals....that was all but whipped at him by a very sleep deprived, very fat and bloated, very bitchy pregnant lady at 2:35 in the mutha loving morning.

     "Now tell these folks what they've won for playing our game tonight Jim!"

"Well Bob, they've just won.....a very rough Friiiiiiiiiiiday with no possibility of a nap!"
.....Awesome.....

Buzz Off!

Why do mosquitoes have to come out at the exact time that I most like to be outside? Dusk is my favourite time of day to sit out on my new deck and just hang out but before you know it they have you surrounded. They take turns dive bombing you and attacking from all angles.

Tonight I had the displeasure to get trapped in my van with 2 very aggressive mosquitoes. Damn things were trying to cause an accident. One got me in the leg and narrowly escaped getting mushed while the other went for my forehead. What the heck? There I was driving along our windy dirt road singing away and smacking myself. A sight to see I'm sure.

Chesty McBreasty (how do you find your way into so many of my blogs?) is a freak about mosquitoes. She will stand right up at the table in the coffee shop and yell "oh, oh, get it, get it, kill it, kill it" so that most of the people in the shop turn to see what in the world is wrong with her (we still aren't sure, we are waiting on the results of her evaluation).

Mosquitoes are not the easiest to kill. They fly in some sort of windy pattern, faking a left and going right. I don't even really like to kill them. Not because of some "save the mosquitoes" kind of protest but because it makes me want to vomit when you squish the little bugger just to find yourself splattered with blood that may or may not be your own.

I can't stand the smell of mosquito repellent either. The smell is one that is so strong that you can taste it as it chokes the air out of you. I've tried a bunch of other non repellent ways of deterring them. Some sort of work and some just don't.

Mosquitoes are just another reason way I prefer winter over summer. Frozen mosquitoes don't bite.

Sleeping With A Bear

I sleep with a bear. Every night I snuggle down into the covers with a big, fur covered, toasty warm growling bear.

Ok not really a bear but if I were to reach over give it a poke with my eyes closed I would swear it was a bear and the growling, well that would be him snoring directly into my left ear.

Sleeping with a bear is much different than sleeping by yourself. You have to abide by the center line rule. You know the rule that says no body part or pillow my cross invisible center line of the bed or it is open to be poked, pushed, squished or thrown back onto your side of the line.

There is also the fight for the covers. The species of bear that I sleep with has exceptional thick fur and therefore does not often require covers but that doesn't stop him from sleeping ON TOP of them so that I may not have the amount I require. Sometimes, when the bear gets cold enough to need covers in the middle of the night he doesn't necessarily pay any attention to which end of the covers he grabs to hurl over himself. This results in the blankets that were over my legs and feet to now be somewhere up under my armpits.

My bear is a very talented bear indeed. He has the ability to snore not only while sleeping on his stomach but with his mouth closed and drooling at the same time. Why don't I just wake him up and tell him to roll over and stop snoring in my ear? Well my bear is almost deaf in one ear. He always sleeps with his hearing ear mushed into the pillow and won't hear me anyway.

Sleeping with a bear does have its benefits as well (besides the obvious ;)). If I wake up in the middle of the night freezing I just need to slip over the center line and snuggle up my big warm bear to get toasty in again. That's something I wouldn't live without. Thanks Hun :)