The Itsy Bitsy Spider

Millions of people are afraid of spiders. I'm not necessarily AFRAID of them but I don't exactly like them either. I do however know quite a few that are very much afraid of the creepy little critters. I don't know if it because of how ugly they are or they move but for being so small in size they are feared by plenty.

I live with an arachnophob. He's 6. He is afraid of all bugs and spiders but mostly spiders. I thought all boys were supposed to love to touch bugs and creepy crawly, slimy things but not my Little Bear.

When he comes across a spider most often than not he lets out the loudest ear piercing girlified scream ever to come out of a male body. He will then either flee the scene or yell for someone to get it - usually it's his 2.5 year old brother is his rescuer "I get Bear, I get it".

Little Bear isn't satisfied with just a flattened spider, it must be properly disposed of in the toilet where it is to be flushed and never seen again.

Another person I know who is very afraid of spiders is my good pal and fellow Crazy Mama, Chesty McBreasty. This chick isn't afraid of too much but if a tiny little spider crosses her path she is suddenly an 8 year old school girl dancing around and screaming like a freak. Seriously the frigging thing is smaller than the fingernail on your pinky finger and she acts like it is going to swallow her whole.

I have to admit the contrast between Chesty McBreasty's fit of fear and my 2.5 year old, Fuzzy's amazement by the 8 legged wonders is rather humorous. Where Chesty refuses to enter a room where there is a spider, Fuzzy is more than happy to follow a spider around the house for an hour before it disappears or he decides it's life is to end.

I'm pretty sure after reading this Chesty is likely to have a nightmare of a giant, 8 legged beast chasing her down and spinning her up in it's silky web and eating her for dinner. Sleep tight Chesty, Muhahahahaha!

Dinner and a Show (The Lost Blog)

*A while ago I wrote an entry that got deleted and it has been requested that I rewrite and post anyway. Here you go Chesty McBreasty. Not as good as the original but never the less here you go.*


As you may or may not know (depending on how often you read my blog or how well you know me in “real” life) I am a member of The Crazy Mama Society. Our group goes out for dinner and drinks once a month.

Usually these events are fairly uneventful. We eat some food, drink some drinks, and have some laughs. June’s dinner was not our usual evening.

We started off in a typical way by going to a local Chinese restaurant and enjoying some delicious cat balls and rice. Afterward we moved to the lounge of one of the two inns in our small town. When we got to the inn we ordered some drinks and continued our friendly banter and chatter. Shortly after we got there the lounge started to fill up a bit with young drunken men fresh off the green (not pot silly, golfing green) where they were participating in a golf tournament.

Seeing a table of all women with no sign of husbands, boyfriends or children, three of the young men approached our table and delivered their lines. We informed them that we were all married and that we averaged three kids a piece. We were declared a “waste of time” and they turned on their heels and returned to their drunken fun.

A few other young men were not as easily deterred. One young man now stood by our table and asked if he could sit down. He was told that we were having a Mama’s night out and that he had the wrong parts to sit at our table. He responded with “What part? I don’t got no part”
Buddy if you don’t have that part that’s a whole other issue and if you don’t know what that part is you need to see your parents for a long over due chat.

Another drunken soldier came and without asking plunked his butt in a chair and introduced himself. His name is one that I’m sure none of the Mamas will soon forget. He explained that he had returned to the table, not because of a bet but because of a conversation and asked if NONE of us was really single. “Sorry pal but you just lost your...conversation”. His friend joined the discussion after first taking a sip of one of the ladies drinks. Since it didn’t look like we were going to shake our new acquaintances we decided to have a little fun and made them the topic of several jokes.

The rest of the drunken young men were also having their own fun which resulted in vomit all over the floor behind us and a few broken and spilled beer bottles on the floor and pool table. Luckily one of the gentlemen (I use this term in the loosest of ways) was kind enough to warn us that if we wanted “to keep our tits up” to beware of the slippery, pukey floor. Thanks mister none of us would have enjoyed landing “tits down” in a pile of your friends bile.

One of the “gentlemen” took quite a liking to one of the (very obviously pregnant) Mamas and proceeded to kiss her cheek, blow in her ear and whisper “sweet nothings” to her. It didn’t take too long after this began to decided it was time for us to move on.

While waiting to pay our bills at the same time most of the young men where retrieving their “last call” drinks one of them decided that he needed to relieve himself, so he did - on the front of the bar and surrounding carpet.

It was on this note that we ended our June get together. There is nothing like dinner AND a show. Thanks for the entertainment guys but next time use the urinal.