Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Polka Dot Bikini

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny what? Oh hell. Bathing suits are torture. Well at least they are when you live in the reality of having had 3 children of a good size. If I were one of those Victoria Secret freaks I would probably view bathing suits in a different light.

Once upon a time in a far away land there was a teenage girl who was cursed with the figure of a teenage boy. No boobs, no hips, no nothing. There was nothing attractive about the poor young girl in a bathing suit. The End

In case you didn’t know the poor unfortunate soul from the story is me at about age 16. While other girls were covering their newly blossomed bosoms in cute little bikini tops I was wearing a t-shirt (yes a damn t-shirt) over my one piece bathing suit to cover my scrawny, flat chested body

Then around age 20 while on a weekend to a friends cottage near the beach another friend, Ms Smoke (she’s going to love that as her alias but whatever, I once rubbed sun screen on her butt cheeks so I can call her what I want. I earned that right) suggested that I try a bikini. “Your skinny and you’ve finally got SOME boobs, try it on”. So I did. Hmm...not terrible. Not swimsuit model either but not horrid. So I bought it and I wore it and I felt pretty damn cute in it too. Then I found out the reason that I actually had “some boobs”...I was pregnant with my oldest son.

Well shoot if that isn’t a twist of fate on the bathing suit front. I had finally gotten up the confidence to wear a bikini and now I was going to get fat, and stretch marky and hippy and my butt was probably going to double it’s original size. If that was my fate I was going to wear the heck out of that bikini that summer because it was probably the last bikini that was ever going to grace my body....and it was....

My Little Bear was born in March so that meant I had a bit of time to shrink a little before bathing suit season came back around. For the most part my body was pretty well back to normal with the exception of my new silver strips on my abdomen. I bought what is called a Tankini. A 2 piece suit that covers you pretty much like a 1 piece but it’s not. That’s still kinda cute. For the next couple of years that was my style choice.

My next bathing suit was a tye dyed maternity “tankini”as I was pregnant with my second son, Fuzzy Bear. Adorable for a giant pregnant person as I hear it all the mammoth whales are wearing them. Served it’s purpose and got me through the summer.

After Fuzzy was born in November I had a ton of time to slim back down. With the help of my ex husband who was kind enough to provide me with enough stress I was able to shed the weight- and him in no time though sometimes thin isn’t always enough to be attractive in swimwear. I had stretch marks on top of stretch marks. Hidden under jeans all winter long was fine but exposed to the world was another issue. I think I wore a bathing suit a total of 3 times that summer.
The next summer started out as another preggo summer and the return of the tye dyed tankini. The Wee One was born in early June so there was no preparing for bathing suit weather so the maternity tankini stayed for the entire summer.

Now we are approaching another summer and though it has been over a year since my last baby I am not looking forward to shopping for a swimsuit. I haven’t dropped the extra pounds that I am STILL carrying with me from Wee Ones pregnancy. Maybe I’ll just pull the old t-shirt back out and hid out under there.

I promise to fill you in on the bathing suit hunting experience.